My recovery has
been a long journey. It has gone on as long as I have been on this earth. But I
am thankful for it…why? Because I could have been afflicted with a worse fate.
Some people (may peace be upon them) suffer from genetic disorders or cancer,
paralysis or any number of horrible conditions, I count my blessings and give
thanks to the Great ‘I AM’ (God) that he
has blessed me with legs that walk, eyes to see and ears to hear, a heart that
loves and ears to hear, etc. God bless and be with those with greater burdens
than my own.
It began about the
age of 12 or 13 with symptoms of OCD. I recognized it immediately and kept it a
secret for many years. Luckily eventually I told my Physician who was able to
put me on a medication that has mostly caused the OCD to go into remission. At
the age of about 15 and a half, I began to experience deep depression, but I
could not connect it to any specific cause. It just seemed to appear and plague
my every conscious moment. It was just there one day and it crippled me. I lost motivation and even
went periods of time on little food from lack of appetite. I isolated myself and even had suicidal
thoughts. When I graduated from High School and enlisted in the Marines. I was discharged
and given a ‘Entry Level Separation’ while still in boot camp for reasons
related to my condition. To this day I continue to pursue enlistment in the
military. Currently I am in contact with a Recruiter from the National Guard. I
struggled through my 20s with depression and anxiety but all glory belongs to
Jehovah that I did not ever successfully cause my own death. I found my current
faith in August of 2011. I joined the Baha’i Faith and pursued a relationship
with God and even had a spiritual experience that changed my life in about the
fall of 2012. God has saved me from the
Adversary (myself) that I could not overcome on my own. He has led me to better
people and a better life. In the lunar calendar it takes 28 days for the moon
to complete one cycle and become a new
moon. It is interesting that I became a
new man at the age of 28 after having completed a self destructive cycle in
my life and began true recovery. My reasons have given me happiness and a
reason to stay alive. I could never again entertain the idea of suicide again,
because I know that God loves me and wants me alive because he has a will for
me. To commit a suicidal act contradicts what God’s will for me is. So I must
work on myself in a positive way and follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit and
those teachers who have come into my life. I must focus on doing good and
working to make society a better place.
Transition House
has helped me immensely. More than any other resource (excluding the
institutions of God) and has given me a routine and needed structure as well as
neighbors and a roommate who contributes to the development of my social
skills. I have been given access to many resources that I have used to better
myself and taken steps to forward my goals. Thank you Mary, Bonnie, Candice and
the other people of Transition House who have provided me with role models who
have positively contributed to my recovery. May God bless them and all
associates of Transition House!
-Sincerely Brian
Hill
April 25, 2014
