My Worst Post Yet

     I have had a great last few days hanging out with a couple of friends until it ended in nightmarish heart ache. Especially S.P. whom I always have a great time with and look forward to seeing her whenever she feels like spending time with me, except maybe I had illusions about what our "relationship" meant. I had my heart played with and tossed around and this happens too much to me. And on top of that my other "friend" asks me if he can be with her since it didn't work out between me and her. What kind of a friend asks that? Why do I seem to let shitty people gravitate into my life? I am such a stupid idiot I trust people and try to help them and they step on me and break me down. Well I am starting to hate people way to much. Finding motivation to show them love anymore is really becoming a challenge and it seems like I am using every ounce of my strength from giving in to hate and hurting them.


    At the moment I am spending the evening with a young lady whom seems to appreciate me, but I won' entertain false ideas. It's just a matter of time before she sleeps with one of my friend or stabs me in the back. I have been so tested lately that I don't even feel safe being alone anymore.


Another Earthquake in Oklahoma:
http://kfor.com/2014/12/04/3-4-earthquake-rattles-central-oklahoma-overnight/


'Eerie Quiet' At Cascadia Faults in Nevada. Recent tremors:
http://www.oregonlive.com/pacific-northwest-news/index.ssf/2014/12/is_the_eerie_quiet_at_nw_earth.html


Olivet Students To Spend Winter Break Helping After the 2003 Tornado that Nearly Destroyed Moore, OK:
http://www.wwmt.com/news/features/top-stories/stories/Olivet-students-headed-to-Oklahoma-to-help-rebuild-following-2013-tornado-61790.shtml#.VIJDhk0tCUk


WHO Declares Ebola Outbreak in Spain 'Over':
http://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/statements/2014/spain-ends-ebola/en/


CDC Sends Out Apology Because This Year's Vaccine Doesn't Work:
http://www.naturalnews.com/047890_flu_vaccines_CDC_apology_medical_fraud.html


'Call Upon Your Gods' Music Video by Dark Lotus:
http://youtu.be/BizXyE8oivk

Death in the Family

     I have developed a dental abcess in the back of my mouth on the lower left side. It is inflamed and tender. So are the lymph nodes. The weather here lately has been sunny and it is windy today. We may have storms coming soon, but I think that we will have more nice days than bad weather ones. The storm zones seem to be slowly moving east, year by year. That must be climate change. I think that I have singled out an apartment complex that I like. The dating scene hasn't been working out for me, so the best thing for me in that regard is to abstain from it. I have also noticed people distancing themselves from me though I am uncertain as to why at the moment.

     Every once in awhile, I suggest a book or movie for you to see or read. I would like to suggest Oprah's Beloved. Movie based off of a book. Strange and shocking film with lots of easter eggs. This film needs to be viewed multiple times to soak it in. There are many "theories" regarding it. I haven't read the book, but would like to pick it up someday.

     I have been reading "lost" books of the Bible and am thinking most of the apocryphal books are bogus and probably a major part of the Bible (as well as other scriptures) are too. But, I still find them usefull as literature and spiritual poetry. Some failed prophecies (mine included) and failed prophetic events are also leading me to conclude that we aren't living in the last days, but that our planet may just be going through a period of change which is just as exciting anyway. I still retain faith in God and a belief in the ability to experience spiritual events and direct experience of God.

**breaking** @ approx. 1650: I just got word that my Step-Father has been killed in a motorcycle accident. This will wear hard on my mother who lost one love already to a motorcycle accident. I have lost my Grandfather in July.