This morning my friend Chris showed up. He just wanted to say "hello" I suppose. Just to hang out. He didn't stay long. My guests usually don't. I like my guests to leave with something however. Food or literature or communist propaganda, etc. You never know what you will get in one of my "goody bags". Nothing illegal and nothing to be afraid of. Nothing that will hurt you, for those of you who are paranoid. I listen to a lot of talk radio during the day. FOX (how ironic!) and NPR specifically. I usually also listen to Ground Zero with Clyde Lewis and Coast to Coast AM. I am thinking about the 'Charlie Hebdo' case, in which radical Muslims murdered multiple people at their work place for producing a picture of the Prophet Muhammad (May peace be upon him). I am a Bahai and I respect the wishes of Islam not to produce an idol of the Prophet, but I also believe that the murder of human life (or animal even) is inexcusable and a much greater sin than blasphemous art work! Someone needs to explain to ISIS, the concept of "two wrongs don't make a right." I would do it myself, but I can only imagine what those ass holes would do to a Baha'i. You see, we aren't exactly popular amongst the Muslim population, because of our peaceful interpretations of the Holy Quran. In all seriousness however-we should not have to exist in a world where we might get decapitated or shot to death over a religious or philosophical difference. While it is true that sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, you have to realize that water is a much better strategy. In this case water would be respect for life. A heated letter would be appropriate, not a machine gun. Don't contribute to the problem.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Thinking Back On Charlie Hebdo
This morning my friend Chris showed up. He just wanted to say "hello" I suppose. Just to hang out. He didn't stay long. My guests usually don't. I like my guests to leave with something however. Food or literature or communist propaganda, etc. You never know what you will get in one of my "goody bags". Nothing illegal and nothing to be afraid of. Nothing that will hurt you, for those of you who are paranoid. I listen to a lot of talk radio during the day. FOX (how ironic!) and NPR specifically. I usually also listen to Ground Zero with Clyde Lewis and Coast to Coast AM. I am thinking about the 'Charlie Hebdo' case, in which radical Muslims murdered multiple people at their work place for producing a picture of the Prophet Muhammad (May peace be upon him). I am a Bahai and I respect the wishes of Islam not to produce an idol of the Prophet, but I also believe that the murder of human life (or animal even) is inexcusable and a much greater sin than blasphemous art work! Someone needs to explain to ISIS, the concept of "two wrongs don't make a right." I would do it myself, but I can only imagine what those ass holes would do to a Baha'i. You see, we aren't exactly popular amongst the Muslim population, because of our peaceful interpretations of the Holy Quran. In all seriousness however-we should not have to exist in a world where we might get decapitated or shot to death over a religious or philosophical difference. While it is true that sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, you have to realize that water is a much better strategy. In this case water would be respect for life. A heated letter would be appropriate, not a machine gun. Don't contribute to the problem.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Looking forward to the Bahai Fast That is Coming Up.
Name: Brian James Hill
Some people would say that putting my name out there broad casted on the internet like that is risky...but isn't that what a name is for? Besides...look how boring it is. Brian-James-Hill. Three, vary basic ordinary names. Someone once said to me "But it's an American name"! Indeed it is. Or rather it is a British name, but as an American I will call it 'American'. James is the middle name of my father and Hill is his last name. I rather have 'Smith', which is the name of my maternal family. I was raised by them and consider myself more of a 'Smith', than a 'Hill'. My father was Keith James Hill. He currently resides in Maryland I believe.
Age:30
I am glad. I am much more wise than I was ten years ago. This is the beginning of a new decade in my life. Big positive changes are coming for me soon. I got all the bad decisions and mistakes out of my system in my 20s. I am even looking to have a family in the not too distant future. I am tired of the dating game and all that garbage. I am ready to lay down routes and get some rest and stability and focus on my Mission.
Stats:
I am 5'11. 158 lbs. Thin.
That is an older pic. Maybe a year old, give or take. But, it is more or less what I look like. Most of you already know that, because you know me personally.
Today is February 24th, 2015...and I'm already out of food stamps. I did sign up for Obama Care though-I can't afford the premiums, so my dental abscesses are going to have to be healed through some good old fashioned self-care. At least it could be scientifically fun.
I made four burgers today, using my Foreman grill. Cooked them way too long. The grill is supposed to know how long to cook it, and it did, but I left it sitting on the burning grill so long it was charred. I never claimed to be a good cook. In fact my own cooking leaves something to be desired. But, believe it or not, there are much worse cooks out there. Kayla is a "friend" who dropped in to stay for a few days. She cooked several times, and the food was worse than mine. I spit it out and threw it in the trash when she wasn't looking. I generally don't cook for others myself. I wouldn't want to put another human being through that kind of thing. The Bahai Fast is coming up and I am super-duper excited. That is a very special time for me, to fast and preform certain private and personal rites to commune with God and gain spiritual blessings. It is a wonderful experience every time. During the day I will fast from food and water as much as possible (including sex and nicotine) and do other rites that I have made for myself, that aren't prescribed by the faith. I tend to mix my own beliefs and practices in with the faith in order to better understand the truths of the faith and my relationship with God.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Reminiscing on Boot Camp and Filling With Regret and "Survivor's" Guilt
Today the weather was warm and decent for winter time. We have been lucky to have this many beautiful days this winter, but I was too warmly dressed so as I went on my errands today I was uncomfortable. After having dinner I walked out side and the smell of the air and the cool, yet warm air gave me a little flash back to boot camp. The ghostly feeling reminded me of standing in formation after evening chow in silence, feeling home sick and depressed. The kind of depression you get when you're 19 and being screamed at by a Drill Instructor re-thinking your motivation to enlist and wondering "what the hell did I get myself into"? That time in Recruit Training as an E-1 was some of the most horrifying and demanding weeks of my life, but at the same time-I miss no other time in my life than those weeks which turned me from a boy into a man. A rite of passage and life experience I will never have again in this incarnation. I still remember my DIs vividly and Samantha (my girlfriend at the time) who was my first real love and who also enlisted to be a Marine, and how my life was just starting. The naivety of my youth and the lies my Recruiter told me that I bought without an ounce of skepticism. What I would do to return to that time period and the life changes I would make. I would be a much different person now. Reader-I don't expect you to understand how I regret now giving my life in the service of my country in the desserts of the Middle East. My greatest regret is not dying a proper hero's death, while so many other gave so much. I live regretting and in decade long guilt that I am alive when so many of my Comrades are not.
My dinner tonight was macaroni and chilly. The flavor of which reminded me of the food I ate at Marine Corps Recruit Depot-San Diego. The food there was good. I liked it. I like most food anyway, but it didn't compare to a properly made home cooked meal (which I am unable to make). As I am sitting here I am falling into an existential depression. I don't know if it is from the unintentional melancholy of what I am sharing here (this post actually began as an attempt to share a positive experience), or if the darkening evening and approaching night is effecting me. Especially during winter, I seem to become depressed right about the time the sun has set. Nighttime can be a hell for me. Especially as I lay in bed unable to sleep, begging myself to slip into the temporary relief of sleep (assuming my dreams are merciful enough not to present their own mental anguish awakening me to a conscious regret of being alone and amongst the living).
My religious faith and eternal debt to GOD (Whom has never turned away from me, even when I did) keeps me alive and happy in spite of my selfish self-loathing. Because God has other plans for me, I am here today providing whatever service to Him that I am unaware of. Knowing that some day I will depart this realm to draw closer to His being. Valentines Day is coming up and Sommer recently dumped me, so I will be spending another Valentines Day single and ignored by the female gender.
My dinner tonight was macaroni and chilly. The flavor of which reminded me of the food I ate at Marine Corps Recruit Depot-San Diego. The food there was good. I liked it. I like most food anyway, but it didn't compare to a properly made home cooked meal (which I am unable to make). As I am sitting here I am falling into an existential depression. I don't know if it is from the unintentional melancholy of what I am sharing here (this post actually began as an attempt to share a positive experience), or if the darkening evening and approaching night is effecting me. Especially during winter, I seem to become depressed right about the time the sun has set. Nighttime can be a hell for me. Especially as I lay in bed unable to sleep, begging myself to slip into the temporary relief of sleep (assuming my dreams are merciful enough not to present their own mental anguish awakening me to a conscious regret of being alone and amongst the living).
My religious faith and eternal debt to GOD (Whom has never turned away from me, even when I did) keeps me alive and happy in spite of my selfish self-loathing. Because God has other plans for me, I am here today providing whatever service to Him that I am unaware of. Knowing that some day I will depart this realm to draw closer to His being. Valentines Day is coming up and Sommer recently dumped me, so I will be spending another Valentines Day single and ignored by the female gender.
'The Ghost of You' music video by My Chemical Romance
http://youtu.be/uCUpvTMis-YBriantology Numerology
My understanding of the meaning of numbers.
0-None. Absence and non-evidence. The void. Non-existence.
1-Single. Stands alone. Whole. Deity. God.
2-A pair. A couple. Lord and Lady. Deity. God and Goddess.
3-The Trinity. Law of Threes. Things happen in 3s. God Head. Father, Son and the Holy Ghost.
4-Completion. A cycle. Four prayers of Buddhism.
5-Rule of Fives. 2+3=5. Pentacle/Pentagram. The five wounds of Christ (palms and feet pierced and crown of thorns). Magick.
6-Mankind/Man. The Devil. The Antichrist. The Mark of the Beast. 666. 616.
7-God. Perfection. Good luck. 777.
8-Cycles. Eternity.
9-Ego. Self. Important number in LaVeyan Satanism.
10-Good luck. The sum of all basic positive attributes of the Briantology numbers.
~
13
+26
=39
My birthday-August 17th, 1984 (08.17.84).
08 -8
17
+84>11
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Everything in the Inifiniverse works in synchronicity with everything else.
A Friend Has Passed
The past week has been one full of distractions and stressors for me. My friend M.M. passed away the Sunday before last from a heart attack. I had seen him several hours before he died and was stunned to find out that he had died during the night. Coupled with job searching and having little food and a returning dental abscess with NO antibiotics or even ibuprofen to fix it, disrespectful guests, ADD, ruminating thoughts, constant people dropping in unannounced and a host of other things...I haven't had a clear thought in a week. At times I am exhausted and lay down to sleep, but my running mind won't let me slip into sleep until I am so tired I pass out. I try to keep on keeping on and am doing well with it. Just something that has to pass until less chaotic times. While I wouldn't say I am "depressed", my ability to enjoy things has been sapped. I have gone through this before and I know that in short time, things will return to a positive.
Because of the chaos, I have neglected some of my Obligatory Prayers and even the Prayer for the Dead that I half-assed (for Michael Mallory). Like wise I have not been able to focus on the needs of other people I should be, because of being overwhelmed by two particular guests who took advantage of my hospitality and like wise had to be rudely thrown out of my home. Valentines Day (Singles Awareness Day) is just around the corner and I find myself to be single (which seems to be the thing with me just about every V-Day), but kind of have someone in mind if they are interested? Even as I type this, I am also completing the application for Obama Care just because I am sort of obligated to by my government. You see, I still try to be a good citizen.
The Allseeing I Face Book Page (music group)
https://www.facebook.com/TheAllseeingIofficial
Because of the chaos, I have neglected some of my Obligatory Prayers and even the Prayer for the Dead that I half-assed (for Michael Mallory). Like wise I have not been able to focus on the needs of other people I should be, because of being overwhelmed by two particular guests who took advantage of my hospitality and like wise had to be rudely thrown out of my home. Valentines Day (Singles Awareness Day) is just around the corner and I find myself to be single (which seems to be the thing with me just about every V-Day), but kind of have someone in mind if they are interested? Even as I type this, I am also completing the application for Obama Care just because I am sort of obligated to by my government. You see, I still try to be a good citizen.
The Allseeing I Face Book Page (music group)
https://www.facebook.com/TheAllseeingIofficial
The Eye of Horus
https://www.google.com/search?q=the+eye+of+horus&safe=off&biw=1920&bih=962&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=vAjZVOJxy_nJBOOmgZAG&sqi=2&ved=0CCoQsAQ
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