Dark Times Require Acts of Love and Light-Darkness Will Then Flee From It

"We believe...that the Overmind is trying to grow, to extend its powers and its awareness of the universe. By now it must be the sum of many races, and long ago it left the tyranny of matter behind. It is conscious of intelligence, everywhere. When it knew that you were almost ready, it sent us here to do its bidding, to prepare you for the transformation that is now at hand.
All earlier changes y0our race has known took countless ages. ...By the standards of evolution, it will be cataclysmic-instantaneous. It has already begun. You must face the fact that yours is the last generation of Homo sapiens. ...
I have told you these things so that you will know what faces you. In a few hours, the crisis will be upon us. ..."
-Karellen (Overlord from Arthur C. Clarke's Childhoods End)





     I have been spending the last week recovering from a respiratory virus. Developed rather quickly. Nasty little bug. The best thing about being sick though, it all the sleep you get to catch up on. And the medication is always fun. Everyone loves a good OTC buzz! I am feeling better currently, but still weak and fatigued. The fever broke a couple of days ago. In the past couple of weeks we have seen terrorist attacks on Paris and Mali. Yesterday, Belgium was in a state of emergency over information indicating a imminent attack by ISIS on the capital. I believe that the increased police and military presence and curfew, prevented the attack, because ISIS would not have accomplished much attacking depopulated areas. Citizens were told to stay indoors and shelter in their homes and many public venues were closed. Rumors of a plot against the WWE in Atlanta planned for today have come up, but there is "no credible threat". Only time will tell, and I doubt we have seen the last of the world wide attacks.

     I dealt with a lot of drama and stress in my home last week. Some of my closer friends know what I am talking about, but to protect my own privacy I wont go into details here. Thankfully that all ended before I got sick. That would have just been added problems and would have further degraded my health. I try to help people whenever and however I can, whenever the opportunity arises. I believe it to be my calling. At times, I feel like a clergymen. Someone people confide in, whom they don't have to worry about being judged by and who has their spiritual and moral welfare in mind. Someone who can be trusted and is concerned with their well being, while expecting no reward other than gratitude in return. All this for the glory of God, not myself. I am often taken advantage of, and sometimes end up dealing with problems that aren't any way mine. But, it is worth the reward of service knowing that in some small way I am helping the world to be a better place. And although 'no good deed goes unpunished", it doesn't go without its bigger rewards either.

     Many people looking at our world's current crisis, fall in to depression and worry as a result. I can't blame them, but it is more important to have hope and optimism. All dark periods, no matter how terrible, always pass and a golden age follows. These seasons are for the eventual betterment of our world and evil always eventually is conquered by good. And because of this, it is important for us all to arm ourselves with love and unity as opposed to the weapons of hate and war. Vengeance and "justice" are the seeds of further evil, and no good can ever come from them. Overcome every evil act with 1000 acts of love. Not everyone will bother to do this, but if you are willing to-work harder in the name of those who don't. For every dark personality, preform 7x7x7 acts of hope and good. If what I am telling you is in vain, than may all memory of me be wiped from the earth. I declare this with utmost confidence.

"And the light pierced the darkness, but the darkness did not understand it."

     -The Bible

LINKS:

Three Loco 'We are Farmers'

Kreayshawn 'Gucci Gucci' Music Video

Kreayshawn 'Bumpin Bumpin' Music Video

Kreayshawn 'Go Hard' Music Video



Post Blood Moon

     Not much is new for me, which can be a good thing. It says something about stability and calm...before the storm! Did you see the blood moons? I took a gander. Seems weird that night. More violence than usual and the beginning of Russian/Chinese involvement in Syria. Now Russia is conducting bombing runs against ISIS, while America criticizes them. I hate to be the one to point out the hypocrisy here but...war on terror? Have you heard of it U.S. government? Yes, you invented it. But, now that the Russians are doing it better-you throw a fit. But why? It's OK to be number two. You don't always have to be number one. You cant win them all.  Give someone else a turn. On Friday there was yet another shooting. One of Americas great exports these days. Used to be cars and stuff, now it is unusual expressions of violence. Oregon hosted this disaster, when a gunmen shot and killed multiple people and allegedly left a manifesto for others to read. Why don't they ever release the manifestos anyway? Maybe if we could read what the killers had wrote we would have some kind of clue as a society as to how to prevent further slaughter in the future! But no, this is America. It's wacky land here, as I say. We do things the dumb way.

A Short List of Saviors and Interesting Links

     Still no luck with the job hunt!


     Know that Krishna is the Christ of south east Asia. Mithra is the Pagan savior as are Horus and Apollo. Zoroaster is to Iran (similarly is Baha'u'llah to the Baha'i). Muhammad also can be seen as a sort of savior figure to Muslims (though not as a literal savior). Hinduism (again with Krishna) paved the way for the enlightener Buddha.


LINKS:
Rebirthing Mothra (Music Video)


Godzilla Vs. Gamera (Fan Film)


Midnight City (M-88) Music Video

Tuesday

Today is Tuesday, September 8th, 2015. Tuesday was named after the northern god Tiw, deity of warfare comparable to the roman god Mars.    


     I have a broken window that needs fixin'. Probably will cost me $100. It will get taken care of-watch! Recently China and Russia for the first time have conducted "training" exercises off the coast of Alaska and Greece's  economy has fallen apart. As far as personal issues go, I have recently lost a very good friend of mine, but I believe, with full faith, that he is in the Abha Kingdom and I hope to see him soon enough. I don't write much here about my personal life, because I don't necessarily like to be 'pegged down'. As if you could! I cant even peg myself down. Try it. Peg me down. It would be like trying to nail jello to a wall! Those who have tried will attest to that. I am looking forward to growing a family in the near future. It is what I want. The whole worlds gold and money wouldn't make me as happy as being a father. It will happen in its own time. Based on a tarot reading I conducted, using the Necronomicon Tarot, there is a possibility of a baby for me very soon.


     I had an experience last night regarding my now deceased friend A.M. I previously asked him to visit me in my dreams or in physical reality. His presence was made known some-how last night. You can say it was just a dream. But, I don't believe in that which you call 'logic'. I believe in visitations, and Gods and angels and such. You tell me you will believe it when you see it. I respect that. Because, I saw it. Whatever 'it' is. It comes up and happens a lot. Did you see it? No? You weren't looking I guess. 'It' is very real and I see it, smell it, taste it, feel it, hear it and make love to it all the time. It IS there, and you can sense it too, if you let yourself. Those who have-understand. Those who don't-wont let themselves.

Toasty!

     Today I am 31. I turned 31 yesterday. Wow. 31. Not as fun as 30. Not yet, at least. I got a chance to "clear" my head for my birthday and purge myself of past negative influences and witness some literal magic (Alahu-Abah) in the world around me, or "power" as Don Juan might call it. I may be having another meeting with him a little latter. Only the Great Spirit knows. If only I could share with you, the blessings and magical twinklings popping up everywhere around me. Sort of like that annoying 'Toasty' guy from Mortal Kombat II. Remember him?


     Explosions in China. Horrible accident. I think we will be going to war with China soon. I have been wrong before though.

Just a short post.

    
     I have recently become semi-obsessed with this game called 'Sad Satan'. It lurks amongst the "deep web", a place you don't belong. I keep bringing up the fact that I soon plan to move back to Oklahoma City/Moore. I am working on my self-discipline and am beginning a study of Sufism. I have wanted to study Sufism for a long time.


 'His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters' (Rev.1:15).


Some interpret this to imply that Jesus was black ("feet like bronze"). I believe that it is just a description of the spiritual energy that is radiating from Christ's body. It matters not to me, whether Jesus be black, white Puerto Rican or from Mars. The voice of rushing waters could imply the word of God moving in the world. Flooding it with the word of God. Through out the Bible, God's voice is often described as thunder or rushing waters.

The Center Does Not Hold

     The appointed time is near.

     -Revelation 1:3

     Been studying with Don Juan lately and he has been teaching me much. I have been doing dream work with mixed results, but mostly towards the positive. I can sense a major change coming for me in the near future and my "intuition" has also been strengthened. The last few days have been spent in the dream realm confronting issues and new life lessons. I could write pages, but I don't think I have the time, or if even it would be appropriate to. Never give away your secrets, except to the minority initiated, who have earned the rite [sic] them. In the past few days there has been a rise in public shootings including a Marine/Navy Reserve center and recruitment office, a public street in Studio City, California, a Church in Chattanooga as well as ANOTHER movie theatre-this one in Louisiana. I think these will increase until a A MAJOR incident occurs, resulting in a act of force from the U.S. government. Donald Trump, the racist is running for president and a military General and future Presidential prospect has called for the detention of Muslims and "Radicals" (which depending on what he defines as a "radical", likely includes me.


     2 have been killed in a shooting on a busy Minneapolis street. Gunman has gotten away and police have no leads. A man in a Plymouth Arby's reported to have a gun and suffering from a "mental crisis" was shot in the head by police. Russia is mounting new forces on a new border (are they moving out towards Israel?).




ADVICE: Preform Random Acts of Kindness and Make the World a Better Place. One step closer to Utopia!

"Whatever nature produces, it mass produces."

I Found You

Heavy in a cloud of melancholy I stumbled onto the bus and somberly handed the bus driver my CART pass so that he (with a frown) could punch the appropriate number of holes in my bus pass. Thunder clapped and grey clouds gathered about my person when happen chance I should glance down the aisle and see a little black girl (I mention her race to highlight her genetic beauty not as a form of discrimination) of about 2 years old who doesn't know me from Elijah. We make eye contact and she smiles as if she has been waiting to see me all day and furiously begins waving. The sun suddenly shines and the clouds part and I repay the gesture with a goofy smile and a silly wave. Because all morning I have been waiting to see her...I just didn't know it until that moment.

I wana look LIke and Anime Character!

     I wonder who the first person to ever think up sky diving was? And how exactly did they come up with the idea? Were they peering down from an air plane window and thought "what would really be fun, would be to leap from this airplane and hurtle towards the earth at 130 mph!". And how many times did they do it before they got the parachute design right (and how many "test dummies" did they go through)? Studies seem to confirm that Oklahoma's earthquakes are in fact man-made (although we seem to be going through a world wide increase in seismic activity), I am finally convinced this is not a natural event and that yes-humans are responsible for this. As you may know, I am of the school of thought that is careful to blame humans for what is going on in the world. I feel like we aren't as much of an impact on nature as we like to give ourselves credit for. Several of my friends have been going through some tough times and tribulations. I have been saying prayers for them and if you care as well, would you send positive thoughts and prayers their way too? You may not know who they are or what they are facing, but Allah knows.


     Soon will be getting a dental redo, God willing. I also am suffering from vision problems (not having a whole lot of luck finding a remedy for that one). I am looking in to a free clinic in OKC that does vision care. I am in need of it badly-and have been since my Optometrist leaped from a highway over pass, thus ending my eye care (and his life). What's wrong with my vision? Well I cant see shit. Know the 'E' on the top of the vision chart? Well when I was a Medical Assistant and administered the eye chart test to patients, I had to stand close to the chart...I still couldn't see the damn thing unless I got some what close. I want glasses to spectacular that they make my eyes so big looking I resemble an anime character! Yeah! Preferably one from one of those hentais! ;p But really, if I close my left eye, I can't even recognize faces with just my right eye. And night vision...forget it.  Who knows...maybe it will fix itself? Maybe...

The Helter that Never Did Skelter

     Lots and lots of rain and storms for Oklahoma these past couple of weeks, and more to come! Quakes continue (which at this point is no surprise). Nepal has been devastated by a 7.6 quake followed by numerous after shocks including a 7.3. I have been reading Vince Bugliosi and Curt Gentry's 'Helter Skelter'. I usually don't like reading true crime books, but this one interested me for a variety of reasons. One is the cult leader Charles Manson, whom at one time I only considered to be crazy but now believe he was demonically influenced and was likely to be a minor antichrist. There was obviously nothing godly about him. Also, I was interested in Manson's erroneous yet frighteningly specific views of the end of the world and Helter Skelter (race war he believed would be fought between the whites and blacks and ultimately won by the blacks). I have been analyzing Revelation 9 as well as the music of the Beatles using his method, and while I don't see where he got his opinions regarding the "revelations" in the music of the Beatles, his interpretation of Revelation 9 is rather interesting-almost convincing, but again demonstrates the Rorschach phenomenon of the Book of Revelations that almost anything can be taken from it with enough ingenuity and imagination.


     On the same note about our weather. Today marks the second anniversary (I cant believe it has been two years already!) since the F5 tornado destroyed my home town of Moore (for the second time). Just a few weeks ago, Moore was once again devastated by a tornado, leading me to declare Moore as "Moore-nado alley". Yesterday, multiple tornadoes touched down in both Oklahoma and Texas.


"The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave Him to show His servants—things which must shortly take place." (NKJV Revelation 1:1)


How long is "shortly"? Some of the events in Revelation may have already taken place. Some can be argued to be taking plane NOW, and some are yet to be seen. I believe that overall the Book of Revelation is a spiritual/historical document of events on the spiritual background of the events of the Bible.

LINKS:

*Charles Manson's song 'Sick City'

*Oklahoma Flu Deaths Stand at 113 (record breaking for state)

*Please visit my friends over at 'Now the End Begins'. I am subscribed to their mailing list and find them to be one of the best resources on the net for end times related headlines.

<a href="http://www.nowtheendbegins.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.nowtheendbegins.com/images/link-to-us/NTEB-link-to-use-banner-550.jpg" alt="Now The End Begins - End Time Bible Prophecy" width="550" height="88" border="0" /></a>

Returning to School Very Soon

     Continuing to deal with the drama of drug addicts and lunatics. I had to throw out yet another individual who refused to leave. Why is my home so great, that people flock there to settle in? Can't call the police, because frankly, I don't trust this town's PD. Because of the problems at my apartment complex, I will be moving out in June once my lease is up. I haven't found another complex yet. I need something that costs as much or less than what I am paying now. I am continuing my job search and put in an application at a book store yesterday. Time allotting, I will be doing a follow up call to a plasma donation center I recently applied at as well. In the past I have even applied at Little Cesar's Pizza, Arby's, and other fast food establishments, but have yet to even get a job there. I am planning to go to school ASAP to get my Peer Recovery Support Specialist certification as well as considering getting my unarmed security guard license again.

Links:

'Pursuit of Happiness' Music Video-Kid Cudi

Is This As Good As It's Going to Get?

     What a poopy few weeks. Depression and anxiety as well as physical illness with no identifiable cause, and now I have a painful tenderness in my neck near my throat, making swallowing painful. Last week, my home town was again hit by a tornado, while other parts of Oklahoma were simultaneously afflicted. At least one school in Moore was damaged (and our Governor opposes storm shelters in public schools, because she is an idiot). I have lost all hope at getting any kind of decent job, and in the past few days have been wondering...at this point in my life-is this as good as it is going to get? I turn 31 on August 17th, and in one year I have accomplished NOTHING. I am juggling the idea of moving into a new apartment complex or out of Norman entirely, because of the paranoia, bigotry and even hate I see growing daily here. Currently we have some storms out west, but tornadic conditions don't seem to be a current issue. Last year, we had a nearly dead tornado season. I wonder what this one will look like?


     More people have died this year of the flu in Oklahoma then ever before, since records began being kept in 2009 (why did they not start keeping records until then?). It seems to continue to linger, even now into spring. I wonder if it will make it through summer. the 1918 killer flu began in spring time and stayed around through summer. That flu killed more people than the black death. I would not be surprised if the flu is becoming more lethal than previous years. The last few years have had bad influenza experiences. As for Ebola-don't think it has gone away...its just that the media have found "more interesting" things to focus on. Cases have just topped 25,000! An Ebola vaccine is currently in the works. I am skeptical that it will be very effective at first, until there are multiple trials to "work out the bugs". This outbreak has blown the previous ones out of the water. Keep your eyes to the heavens for blood, smoke and mist.


     Are you familiar with the book Heaven is for Real? The boy in the story has since revealed that the account is a lie and was cooked up by his father. Although this is one NDE story that has been declared false, it does not in any way effect my belief in God, or the after life. As I write this, we are getting deeper into storm watches. I am always looking forward to storms and hope to see an impressive one, though I doubt I will ever see one like in May 2013! I walked from Norman 7 miles to Moore to check on loved ones, witnessing the ruins of the town I grew up in, I could not help but feel like we were speeding into the Tribulation, but I will say that my views concerning the 'unveiling' have radically changed in the last couple of years and for the most part have become a Preterist. The third blood moon is coming on the 4th in time for Passover, and rumor has it that tomorrow will be another near earth asteroid fly by.

The Day the Abyss Wasn't Opened

    


     Today CERN (Large Hedron Collider) was supposed to re-start (and some worry warts were concerned this would result in earth being swallowed by a man-made black hole or gates of Hell being flung open). However, the event was re-scheduled.  I myself am not at all worried, since last time it was turned on this didn't happen. Some people connected it with the alleged prophetic event total solar eclipse to occur in five days, and the Passover blood moon (third in the tetrad series that began last year) on April 4th. Some connect those events to the prophecies of Revelation and Joel and other books of the Bible, heralding the coming day of Judgment from God:


And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood;...     -Revelation 6:12 (KJV)


The sun shall be turned to darkness, and the moon to blood, before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes.      -Joel 2:31 (English Standard Version)


If you're interested in learning more than read John Hagee's book Four Blood Moons: Something is About to Change.


     From time to time on here, I mention my sleep problems. Last night I woke myself up several times talking in my sleep. I wish I knew what it was I was saying. Also had recent sleep paralysis experiences again. I wonder why they are ALWAYS horrifying. Why cant I be paralyzed and having puppies licking me, rather than hell-beasts using my limbs in some infernal game of tug-of-war? Oh well, like I always say-at least I'm not in jail. Anything is better than that. I am returning to my fast in connection with the 19 Day Baha'i Fast. I had to take a Sabbatical (ha ha get it! Sabbatical?!) in lieu of an upper respiratory infection (which in its own way contributed to a increased level of spiritual awareness through increased bodily temperature, decreased food intake and OTC medicine.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When doubts haunt me, when disappointments stare me in the face, and I see not one ray of hope on the horizon, I turn to Bhagavad-gita and find a verse to comfort me; and I immediately begin to smile in the midst of the overwhelming sorrow. Those who meditate on the Gita will derive fresh joy and new meanings from it every day."
     -Mahatma Gandhi

The Book of 2 Brian Hill

The Book of Brian Hill 2

I.
1. At the end, on Judgment Day, all will be judged accordingly. Some will be forgiven. Some will be sent back to begin a new (..?..) and to get a new chance to work through their spiritual progressions.
2. I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and my iniquities have I not hid: I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord; and thou forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah. [1.]
3. Be kind to strangers. Be kind to your brothers and sisters in humankind. God may visit you, Christ may visit you, but you may not know it. He will come in disguise to test you. Feed the hungry, cloth the naked and heal the sick. Because any person you encounter could be Jesus/God in disguise!
4. I see the signs of the end times. It is ok.  The Day of the Lord is coming and I anxiously await it. I know I will witness it. I hope that it is soon. I believe that it might be soon.
5. When the Tribulation arrives, people will get in their shelters to hide from the wrath of God. Important governors and politicians will retreat to facilities built in the mountains. They will shout to the mountains "cover me, prrotect me, for the wrath of Jehovah is at hand! Hide me from His eyes!".
6. But, even in those places, they shall be shaken. The angel of death will visit them. The plagues will be increased against those who abandon their responsibilities toward the people and who run from the pestilences.
7. The symptoms of the coming Plague are fever, body aches, a dry cough, sweating, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea, and is highly contagious.
8. 1948 (Founding of the modern state of Israel)
    +
    70 (suggested number of years for a generation)
  =2018 (Era of the Tribulation?)


By 2020, biblical prophecies could be on their way to being fulfilled.
9. Is the Emerald City in The Wizard of Oz a metaphor for the City of New Jerusalem?
Christ says 'Behold, I am coming soon!'.


II.
1. After Judgment, the damned will stand at the right hand of God. They will witness the opening of Hell. But, when the Saints come to judge them-the sinners will be forgiven!
2. Only the Devil and his accomplices will remain in Hell. Many people will be found damned.


III.
1. 15x2=30x4=120
2. This is the End.
_____
Foot Notes
[1.] Psalm 32:5 (KJV 1611 slightly modified to fit modern vernacular)

First Day of the Bahai 19 Day Fast

     At Dawn this morning, the Baha'i 19 Day Fast began. I made noodles and parmesan this morning to tie me over for the day, but I just couldn't make myself eat much. I had a cigarette and now I am getting through the day. I did cheat and have a Coke a little while ago, but my throat was getting dry enough that  I was afraid it would effect my ability to communicate clearly. I am sleepy. Haven't got much sleep lately. It's one extreme to the next with me anyway. It's about lunch time, but I'm not really hungry. A hint of nicotine craving though (oh boy). I was supposed to have a Therapist appointment today, but I cancelled it on account of the roads. I am relieved I didn't go. While I don't feel "bad", I feel a little physically drained, but that could also have to do with little food and water. I still have a small portion of noodles left, waiting to be consumed at break fast at dawn.


      Last Friday I did an over-the-phone interview with Diagnostic Labs of Oklahoma. I also passed my physical for Community Works and am waiting to hear back from CRC. I still have to come up with $19 for the back ground check (which I am required to pay for). A friend of mine recommended me go apply at Sprout's All Natural Grocer. I have worked in a couple of grocery stores. I don't like doing stock though. Random ADD moment question...did you see the film Battleship? It was an OK movie, though it should have been called something other than Battleship since none of the things in the movie had anything to do with the board game, and who makes a movie based off a board game anyway (except Clue. That was a good one).


     This fast is a bit tougher than I had anticipated it being this early on. But, it gets easier with time I imagine. I am having nicotine withdrawals, but no hunger as of yet. But, my appetite hasn't been good in the last day or two anyway. At first I was in a very cheery and positive mood, but now it's slightly downgraded. Not a bad mood or anything, just lacking in luster. Oh, btw since we aren't on the subject-did you hear about this? Seems we might be witnessing the rise of the Antichrist in Greece.   I am trying to plan something for the rest of the day. Maybe make plans with someone. I would really like to hang out with someone today (not my usual gang either). Some of those people are something else.

Thinking Back On Charlie Hebdo

     This morning my friend Chris showed up. He just wanted to say "hello" I suppose. Just to hang out. He didn't stay long. My guests usually don't. I like my guests to leave with something however. Food or literature or communist propaganda, etc. You never know what you will get in one of my "goody bags". Nothing illegal and nothing to be afraid of. Nothing that will hurt you, for those of you who are paranoid. I listen to a lot of talk radio during the day. FOX (how ironic!) and NPR specifically. I usually also listen to Ground Zero with Clyde Lewis and Coast to Coast AM. I am thinking about the 'Charlie Hebdo' case, in which radical Muslims murdered multiple people at their work place for producing a picture of the Prophet Muhammad (May peace be upon him). I am a Bahai and I respect the wishes of Islam not to produce an idol of the Prophet, but I also believe that the murder of human life (or animal even) is inexcusable and a much greater sin than blasphemous art work! Someone needs to explain to ISIS, the concept of "two wrongs don't make a right." I would do it myself, but I can only imagine what those ass holes would do to a Baha'i. You see, we aren't exactly popular amongst the Muslim population, because of our peaceful interpretations of the Holy Quran. In all seriousness however-we should not have to exist in a world where we might get decapitated or shot to death over a religious or philosophical difference. While it is true that sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, you have to realize that water is a much better strategy. In this case water would be respect for life. A heated letter would be appropriate, not a machine gun. Don't contribute to the problem.

Looking forward to the Bahai Fast That is Coming Up.

Name: Brian James Hill
Some people would say that putting my name out there broad casted on the internet like that is risky...but isn't that what a name is for? Besides...look how boring it is. Brian-James-Hill. Three, vary basic ordinary names. Someone once said to me "But it's an American name"! Indeed it is.  Or rather it is a British name, but as an American I will call it 'American'. James is the middle name of my father and Hill is his last name. I rather have 'Smith', which is the name of my maternal family. I was raised by them and consider myself more of a 'Smith', than a 'Hill'. My father was Keith James Hill. He currently resides in Maryland I believe.




Age:30
I am glad. I am much more wise than I was ten years ago. This is the beginning of a new decade in my life. Big positive changes are coming for me soon. I got all the bad decisions and mistakes out of my system in my 20s. I am even looking to have a family in the not too distant future. I am tired of the dating game and all that garbage. I am ready to lay down routes and get some rest and stability and focus on my Mission.




Stats:
I am 5'11. 158 lbs. Thin.





    
     That is an older pic. Maybe a year old, give or take. But, it is more or less what I look like. Most of you already know that, because you know me personally.


Today is February 24th, 2015...and I'm already out of food stamps. I did sign up for Obama Care though-I can't afford the premiums, so my dental abscesses are going to have to be healed through some good old fashioned self-care. At least it could be scientifically fun.


     I made four burgers  today, using my Foreman grill. Cooked them way too long. The grill is supposed to know how long to cook it, and it did, but I left it sitting on the burning grill so long it was charred. I never claimed to be a good cook. In fact my own cooking leaves something to be desired. But, believe it or not, there are much worse cooks out there. Kayla is a "friend" who dropped in to stay for a few days. She cooked several times, and the food was worse than mine.  I spit it out and threw it in the trash when she wasn't looking. I generally don't cook for others myself. I wouldn't want to put another human being through that kind of thing. The Bahai Fast is coming up and I am super-duper excited. That is a very special time for me, to fast and preform certain private and personal rites to commune with God and gain spiritual blessings. It is a wonderful experience every time. During the day I will fast from food and water as much as possible (including sex and nicotine) and do other rites that I have made for myself, that aren't prescribed by the faith. I tend to mix my own beliefs and practices in with the faith in order to better understand the truths of the faith and my relationship with God.

Reminiscing on Boot Camp and Filling With Regret and "Survivor's" Guilt

     Today the weather was warm and decent for winter time. We have been lucky to have this many beautiful days this winter, but I was too warmly dressed so as I went on my errands today I was uncomfortable. After having dinner I walked out side and the smell of the air and the cool, yet warm air gave me a little flash back to boot camp. The ghostly feeling reminded me of standing in formation after evening chow in silence, feeling home sick and depressed. The kind of depression you get when you're 19 and being screamed at by a Drill Instructor re-thinking your motivation to enlist and wondering "what the hell did I get myself into"? That time in Recruit Training as an E-1 was some of the most horrifying and demanding weeks of my life, but at the same time-I miss no other time in my life than those weeks which turned me from a boy into a man. A rite of passage and life experience I will never have again in this incarnation. I still remember my DIs vividly and Samantha (my girlfriend at the time) who was my first real love and who also enlisted to be a Marine, and how my life was just starting. The naivety of my youth and the lies my Recruiter told me that I bought without an ounce of skepticism. What I would do to return to that time period and the life changes I would make. I would be a much different person now. Reader-I don't expect you to understand how I regret now giving my life in the service of my country in the desserts of the Middle East. My greatest regret is not dying a proper hero's death, while so many other gave so much. I live regretting and in decade long guilt that I am alive when so many of my Comrades are not.


     My dinner tonight was macaroni and chilly. The flavor of which reminded me of the food I ate at Marine Corps Recruit Depot-San Diego. The food there was good. I liked it. I like most food anyway, but it didn't compare to a properly made home cooked meal (which I am unable to make). As I am sitting here I am falling into an existential depression. I don't know if it is from the unintentional melancholy of what I am sharing here (this post actually began as an attempt to share a positive experience), or if the darkening evening and approaching night is effecting me. Especially during winter, I seem to become depressed right about the time the sun has set. Nighttime can be a hell for me. Especially as I lay in bed unable to sleep, begging myself to slip into the temporary relief of sleep (assuming my dreams are merciful enough not to present their own mental anguish awakening me to a conscious regret of being alone and amongst the living).


     My religious faith and eternal debt to GOD (Whom has never turned away from me, even when I did) keeps me alive and happy in spite of my selfish self-loathing. Because God has other plans for me, I am here today providing whatever service to Him that I am unaware of. Knowing that some day I will depart this realm to draw closer to His being. Valentines Day is coming up and Sommer recently dumped me, so I will be spending another Valentines Day single and ignored by the female gender.

'The Ghost of You' music video by My Chemical Romance

http://youtu.be/uCUpvTMis-Y

Briantology Numerology

My understanding of the meaning of numbers.

0-None. Absence and non-evidence. The void. Non-existence.

1-Single. Stands alone. Whole. Deity. God.

2-A pair. A couple. Lord and Lady. Deity. God and Goddess.

3-The Trinity. Law of Threes. Things happen in 3s. God Head. Father, Son and the Holy Ghost.

4-Completion. A cycle. Four prayers of Buddhism.

5-Rule of Fives. 2+3=5. Pentacle/Pentagram. The five wounds of Christ (palms and feet pierced and crown of thorns). Magick.

6-Mankind/Man. The Devil. The Antichrist. The Mark of the Beast. 666. 616.

7-God. Perfection. Good luck. 777.

8-Cycles. Eternity.

9-Ego. Self. Important number in LaVeyan Satanism.

10-Good luck. The sum of all basic positive attributes of the Briantology numbers.

~

13

+26

=39

My birthday-August 17th, 1984 (08.17.84).

08   -8

17

+84>11

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Everything in the Inifiniverse works in synchronicity with everything else.

    

A Friend Has Passed

     The past week has been one full of distractions and stressors for me. My friend M.M. passed away the Sunday before last from a heart attack. I had seen him several hours before he died and was stunned to find out that he had died during the night. Coupled with job searching and having little food and a returning dental abscess with NO antibiotics or even ibuprofen to fix it, disrespectful guests, ADD, ruminating thoughts, constant people dropping in unannounced and a host of other things...I haven't had a clear thought in a week. At times I am exhausted and lay down to sleep, but my running mind won't let me slip into sleep until I am so tired I pass out. I try to keep on keeping on and am doing well with it. Just something that has to pass until less chaotic times. While I wouldn't say I am "depressed", my ability to enjoy things has been sapped. I have gone through this before and I know that in short time, things will return to a positive.


     Because of the chaos, I have neglected some of my Obligatory Prayers and even the Prayer for the Dead that I half-assed (for Michael Mallory). Like wise I have not been able to focus on the needs of other people I should be, because of being overwhelmed by two particular guests who took advantage of my hospitality and like wise had to be rudely thrown out of my home. Valentines Day (Singles Awareness Day) is just around the corner and I find myself to be single (which seems to be the thing with me just about every V-Day), but kind of have someone in mind if they are interested? Even as I type this, I am also completing the application for Obama Care just because I am sort of obligated to by my government. You see, I still try to be a good citizen.


The Allseeing I Face Book Page (music group)
https://www.facebook.com/TheAllseeingIofficial

The Eye of Horus

https://www.google.com/search?q=the+eye+of+horus&safe=off&biw=1920&bih=962&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=vAjZVOJxy_nJBOOmgZAG&sqi=2&ved=0CCoQsAQ