I am currently going through nightmares with all the women in my life. My judgmental mother whom is infinitely disappointed in me and always will be no matter what I accomplish, so why should I bother to try? Eh? Then "my baby" mamma, Melodie, the cheating whore. And I'm being nice. Unfaithful to her boy friend and to me. I am not upset about that part though, because I am used to, and fully expect to be cheated on-which is why I have just decided to call it "polyamoury". I am very skeptical that the baby is mine. How could she know anyway? There are so many potential candidates for the father! She (amongst others) are driving me to the loony bin and I am not exaggerating. I have come quite close to loosing my shit over the past week. At one time I considered my life in a temporary transition, but now it seems a permanent state of being-which I am not entirely unhappy with. I wish I could have a more stable family life and healthy relationship with my possible child, but I am now resolved to the fact that I will not have her in my life. It's for the best anyway, me thinks. Besides, my future holds a responsibility for me that would only be held back by a kid and would only probably endanger any family I was with. What I mean by that, is that I expect very soon the shit to hit the fan world wide and whatever I am being saved for, I imagine requires me to be in dangerous survival situations. To have a family to take care of and defend would be impossible. It is better that I remain single, solitary and without offspring to worry about. Best for everyone I imagine.
Donald Trump has promised to throw Hillary in jail, if he is elected. Hillary looks like she will end up being the first casualty of the Trump Police state. Are you ready? I am! I'm kind of looking forward to it. In a sick way I hope he gets elected, just so we can see World War III! If Hillary is elected we may see Armageddon averted for another 4-8 years depending. I would HATE for that to happen! What will I blog about?
I theorize that 'Climate Change', is a natural cycle in nature and probably has occurred many times before, and will may times after we have wiped ourselves off the record of history. Perhaps it is an eschatological event planned by God to coincide with end times. Or perhaps, its just another nudge from nature that doubtlessly has came and gone millions of times through the ages. And if it does wipe us out, so what? We had a half-assed run. Do we really deserve to be a part of earths future? Or are we seeing some spring cleaning from Mother Gaia herself, to sweep out the old to make way for the new next stage of creation? Are the current climate changes set up by God as a warning or preparation for an apocalypse to come? A pre-step towards the fulfillment of prophecy?
The point of my spiritual initiation is not to back step. Not to "go backwards". I have done a few dance steps backwards over the past week. This isn't the first time, and generally I recover quickly, but each revisit into the Abyss takes me deeper into the darkness, farther from the light. I am again crawling out of the pit, but this time I feel like I am bringing something back with me. Something dark. I have been sleeping like crap lately. This is typical for me. My dreams and mind play cruel torture games with me. Ruminating over the torments and demons of my life. Then on top of it all my back is killing me. Muscle contractions in the thoracic region. This morning I woke up abruptly and wanted to return to sleep, but instead got up and had something to eat. Tried to lay back down for a nap that wouldn't come, so I ended up leaving and going about my mostly unproductive day. For lunch I fixed a chicken sandwich which I ended up having to throw away because a fruit fly claimed it for himself. Why the hell do I have so many fruit flies in my apartment? There seem to be gnats all over the state too. Probably from the recent wet weather and warm winter. I visited Lake Murray in Ardmore, and despite all the speak about Zika mosquitoes, I didn't see one damn mosquito. I was looking forward to contracting the virus. Better luck in July? If I do end up going back (which I doubt I will). What's for dinner tonight? I haven't really decided. I guess I will come up with SOMETHING. Not noodles though. No, I am getting tired of noodles. Have been for quite awhile. Probably cookie dough ice cream. I LOVE raw cookie dough!
I cant remember what I dreamt but I imagine it involved me screaming in the middle of the night. I am have come militant anti-Psychiatry and big pharma. "Don't smoke week and don't drink alcohol" they say "but here take some of these...they will make you better and...like us". No thanks. You can keep your Prozac and Celexa and your synthetic chemicals. Take 'em yourself. Make your dick not work-leave my dick alone! I don't want your cancer causing substances. Leave me what nature gave me. What Goddess intended me to take. It is Ramadan and I haven't been a good Muslim. Been smoking and eating (fucking?) when I shouldn't have been. Allah have mercy on me. I did much better last year, but last year I had a guide to motivate me. This year I am going through my own self-Jihad. Oh guess what? A gnat just landed next to me. What is this a fucking plague!? A gnat plague. Time to go home and drink some haram alcohol. Have a good weekend all you paranoids and survivalists and curiosity seekers! And happy Ramadan!
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